Up, Down and All Around

Stabbed

I'm tired of being stabbed in the back.

It's getting to the point where I can't help but wonder if I'm just (a) too trusting; (b) expecting too much loyalty from people; (c) a poor judge of character; (d) a glutton for punishment; or (e) some combination of the above.

Thrice now in the past five years, I have been betrayed by people in whom I've invested my personal time, my emotions, my friendship, and yes, my trust. And when I say betrayed, I'm not talking about some simple case of poor judgment where someone lets slip a secret or two. It goes far worse than that. When I say betrayed, I'm talking about people whom I trust deciding to take actions that are directly detrimental to me, simply because it is directly beneficial to them.

Each time this has happened, it is unthinkable that the person involved could do something like that. Each time, I am dumbfounded and at a loss for words. Each time, it hurts. And yes, each time, it makes me wonder why I bother to start all over again with someone else.

Once again, I am reminded of a remark that one of my friends likes to make. Each time I encounter this situation, he takes the opportunity to remind me that Loyalty is a Luxury. Very few people are lucky enough to live in circumstances where they can afford to take the high road. Very few people are "rich" enough (figuratively and literally) that they can sacrifice personal gain for the good of a friend.

Deep down inside, I understand all that, I truly do. But it doesn't make it any less painful when you are stabbed in the back. Again.

Tags: Personal, Relationships

Posted by CF at 11:55 PM