Another year
Had a great lunch with friends today!
If there's one thing I can count on at this time of year, it's people who are more than happy to join me in my annual thanksgiving meal.
Despite the many ups and downs of the past 12 months, there are still many things to be thankful for: Family, Friends, Health, and the general state of my Finances being the first few things to come to mind. haha!
Must have received over 40 text messages and more than a dozen emails today. It's nice to be remembered.
Tags:
Personal
Posted by CF at 11:05 PM
Unanswered questions
Whenever I stop to think about the meaning of life (and lately I seem to do that a lot), my thoughts inevitably turn to religion.
After all, religion (or the lack thereof) is part and parcel of an individual's belief system. It has a way of framing your view of the world and your view of your place in the world. If you subscribe to the tenets of any particular religion, you are effectively adopting the viewpoint of that religion when you reflect on the meaning of life.
Like the majority of people in this country, I consider myself a Christian. I have been for a few years. Belief in the Christian faith comes easily to me, since I am surrounded by many other Christians. But each time I try to study the Bible deeper, each time I try to go beyond blind faith, I find things in the Christian belief system that bother me.
For example, why did God create man and give man free will, when He knows full well that there will be millions of souls damned to hell in the process (since millions of people will choose to not believe)?
Here's another one: If Jesus is the only way to heaven, does this mean that all the people who died before Jesus' time are doomed to spend eternity in hell? What chance did they have, if there was no gospel prior to their time?
And while I'm in the middle of this rant, I might as well ask -- am I the only one who feels that the apostle Paul can sometimes be arrogant and holier-than-thou in his epistles to the early churches? I can't quite put my finger on it, but whenever I read one of his epistles, whether it's to the Romans, the Ephesians, or more recently, the Corinthians, my hackles go up.
* sigh! *
I meet with a group of friends regularly to discuss these and other Biblical issues. And one of the people in this group has quite literally got the most
amazing faith that I have ever witnessed. I envy her ability to simply believe without questioning. By the standards of the world, she may seem foolish in her faith. But she is also filled with more peace than I can ever imagine experiencing. Sometimes, I can't help but wish I was more like her.
But when I wrestle with these issues, I have to wonder -- why did God give me a thinking, rational, questioning mind if I was not meant to think, reason, and question the basic tenets of my faith? Isn't faith supported by rational thought stronger than simple, blind faith?
I guess these questions will remain unanswered for a little while longer.
Tags:
Personal,
Religion
Posted by CF at 11:15 PM
Catharsis
Lately, the act of blogging has become a form of catharsis.
I can't quite explain it properly, nor do I understand why this is the case, but the very act of blogging about a depressing or negative situation / emotion somehow helps to decrease its power over me.
Maybe it's because blogging forces me to consciously wrestle with the problem and the emotions, and takes away the possibility of escaping or ignoring the situation. I no longer have the luxury of hiding my head in the sand and leaving the experience unprocessed or suppressed.
Or maybe it's because blogging forces me to categorize and label the experience, and the act of classifying an experience makes it more manageable somehow. It's kinda like the way a patient must feel when he finally gets a diagnosis for his illness after weeks or months of not knowing what the problem is. Somehow, just having a name for it gives you a better sense of control.
Whatever the case may be, I'm really grateful to the person who suggested that I start this blog. The timing is impeccable, given the challenges that I have been facing the past 8 and a half weeks, and the trials that still await in the 7 weeks ahead.
Thank you again.
Tags:
Personal,
Blogging
Posted by CF at 8:00 PM
Serenity on DVD
Oh wow!!
I just saw from Amazon.com that
Serenity will be available on wide-screen DVD beginning December 20! That's less than a month away! Woohoo!
When I
first posted about this movie, I didn't realize that I would not have to have a long wait! But I'm not complaining, believe me!! hehe!
Now all I need to do is find someone who will be flying in from the US after Christmas day. Looks like it's time to email friends and family.
Tags:
Movies
Posted by CF at 12:05 AM
Shopping? No, Thank You
I hate shopping.
There have been many times when I wish I could enjoy indulging in "retail therapy," like most people seem to; but after a few years of trying, I've come to the conclusion that it's really not for me.
What about it do I not like? Well, let's see...
- I don't like worrying about my budget. Not that I'm very strict with myself when it comes to budget, but there are some lines that I refuse to cross when it comes to money. One such line is borrowing money just so I can buy something that I don't even need. I figure, you only have so many times that you'll be able to borrow money from friends. So I'll have to be in desperate straits indeed before I borrow money from anyone.
- I often wonder why I buy the things I do. When I'm in "shopping mode," I always give into the urge to buy something tacky or useless or impractical, because those are the things that I naturally gravitate to. haha! For some reason, they're a lot less fun and entertaining once I get them home and out of the shopping bag. :-P
- I don't like crowds. Something about squeezing through throngs of people, especially during mega-sales, makes me feel queasy. It doesn't help that some people are just downright rude and will shove you aside without so much as a backward glance, much less an apology.
- I worry about safety. My dad has had his pocket picked. A friend of mine had his cellphone stolen. Another friend has had her bag slashed. Another friend got caught in a stampede when a fire broke out in one of the malls a couple of years back. Then you've got all those emails warning you to be careful when you visit the rest room, or when you're walking in the parking lot, or when you're waiting for your commute. And finally, there's always that threat of a terrorist attack, hovering unseen but never quite forgotten.
So, it took considerable effort of will to drag my butt to the mall this afternoon to look for a dress that I need for one of my upcoming social commitments. It took over two hours, and I must have tried over 14 different outfits before I found one that I liked enough, and which was within my budget. Hay! There's got to be an easier way than this to buy the things that we need!
Tags:
Personal,
Shopping
Posted by CF at 5:35 PM
The coming storm
Yes, it's that time of year again.
Already my calendar is rapidly filling up with social commitments, some of them overlapping. I'm feeling a bit uneasy, wondering how I'm going to juggle my limited time, attention, and energy across all of them.
There really is such a thing as being stretched too thin, and unfortunately, I never seem to learn my lesson. Ayayaay.
Tags:
Personal
Posted by CF at 12:10 AM
I Believe In You (Je crois en toi)
It's been a while since I've bought a music CD, but I headed off to Tower Records the other day to buy a copy of
Il Divo's
Ancora CD after reading a write-up about this singing group in one of the local papers. Ancora (meaning Encore), I learned tonight, is already their second album. They also have two DVDs out.
I didn't really have high expectations, since I'd never heard of
Il Divo prior to reading that feature article. I listened to the entire album immediately after buying it, and since then, I've been fixated on the third track, which is their duet with Celine Dion entitled
I Believe In You. (Lyrics available
here and
here.)
There are many reasons why I've grown to love this song. Obviously the lyrics have something to do with it, since its message is so uplifting. But I'd have to say that I also love the arrangement, especially the way the song swells as it flows smoothly into the chorus and the bridge. Then there's the way the voices of the four men beautifully contrast against and support the brilliance of Celine Dion's voice, especially after the bridge.
Wow. When I'm feeling down, listening to this song almost brings me to tears.
I was therefore not very surprised to learn tonight that
all four men unaminously consider I Believe In You as their favorite track from Ancora. You can really feel it in the way they sang the song. The emotions are almost palpable.
I wish I had a copy of this song on MP3 that I could share. Unfortunately, the best I could find is this
30 second preview in MP3 format, which does it absolutely no justice (the entire song is 4 minutes long). If I do find a clip online for the whole song, I'll be sure to post a link here.
Part of it is sung in French, which unfortunately, I don't understand. But I'll be trolling the
translation websites later to see if I can get the gist of it.
___
Update (January 17, 2006): Finally figured out how I can play this song online. Many thanks to
Beatlebum for the insight!
Tags:
Music,
Shopping
Posted by CF at 12:30 AM
Awareness to Action
It's been six or seven weeks since I
posted an entry here about October being Cancer Awareness Month.
Since I had taken the time to make myself aware, I figured I should actually translate that awareness into action, particularly when it comes to breast cancer detection.
Won't go into much detail, but the bottomline is that I felt uneasy after performing my first
self-examination. Since I don't make a habit of touching other people's breasts (haha), I had no idea if what I was feeling was normal or not. I did know for sure, though, that I could feel
something.
So, of course I go to tell my mom, and after some discussion, we agreed that I should go for a mammogram, just to put our minds at rest. It wasn't too hard to find a timeslot that would work for me schedule-wise, and eventually, I got around to getting the mammogram done.
Man, was it painful! I cannot describe enough how painful it is to be squashed by a machine four times (two on each side)! Ugh! Granted, it doesn't last too long, but boy, do those few seconds feel like eternity! I think I felt sore even the day after.
It's a good thing I had followed some advice I found in a forum somewhere and I had taken an Advil an hour or so before the procedure, so I think that helped to make the experience more bearable. While I do not look forward to getting another mammogram done anytime soon, I would not hesitate to do it again if it meant that I'd have breast cancer diagnosed earlier.
Anyway, after enduring all that pain, the report came back as "inconclusive". Man! I was cursing nonstop in my head when I first saw that report, because it meant that I had literally gone through the wringer for nothing!! Turns out my tissues are too dense (this is apparently true for most young people, which is why mammograms are recommended starting the age of 40), and dense tissue shows up as white on the xray plate. Unfortunately, cancer tumors also show up as white on the xray plate, hence the inconclusive finding. The report further recommended that I get a follow-up ultrasound to get more conclusive results.
Well, I'd already started down this road, and I didn't feel completely at ease about just stopping at this point, so I swallowed my disappointment and mentally psyched myself for the ultrasound, which I got a few days later. Compared to the mammogram, it was practically painless, although there is something rather embarrassing about lying down with your top exposed, while someone smears your skin with this cold, jelly-like goo-thing. Thankfully, the doctor doing my ultrasound was also female, and I consoled myself with the thought that she has probably done this a thousand times already. I just kept my eyes fixed on the ultrasound screen while she was moving her ultrasound wand around.
It didn't take long. Literally within three or four seconds of her starting the examination, we saw it right away. A clearly defined, somewhat prominent mass which appeared black on screen, clearly visible and obviously not normal breast tissue (normal tissue shows up as gray). Another female doctor had entered the room by then, and I could hear them conferring: "Is it solid? or is it cystic?" The second doctor said, "Not sure. Looks solid," leaving me to wonder silently what the heck those terms meant.
The first doctor used a computer keyboard and mouse to mark off the edges of the black area (I later learned they do that to record its size), then resumed her examination. And right away, they found a second, smaller mass right above the first one. The second mass also showed up as black on screen, clearly visible against a sea of gray. This time the second doctor sounded confident when she said, "cystic".
And so it continued, multiple sweeps of the wand to make sure that no part of the breast was left unexamined. They repeated the procedure on the second breast, and in the process found seven more masses of varying sizes.
While I was changing back to my street clothes, I asked the first doctor, "So, should I be worried?" She gave me a reassuring smile as she shook her head and explained that given the number of masses found, they are more likely to be cystic (which was good) rather than solid (which was bad). I guess the other way to look at it is -- if all nine masses had been cancerous, I would probably have been very sick by now. So this was one of those cases where more is better.
True enough, I received the final report the following day, stating that no further study was needed.
So there it is. Despite all the uncertainty and occassional pain that this experience has brought, I'm glad I followed it through until the end because I came out of the experience knowing more about myself and my own state of health. After all, what's the point of awareness if there is no subsequent action?
Knowing, after all, is just half the battle.
Tags:
Personal,
Health
Posted by CF at 2:05 AM
Compelling Drama
Just finished watching the first ten episodes of
Battlestar Galatica's Season 2.
Man! What a show! It is truly compelling drama thanks to excellent story lines, well-defined characters, and fine acting. I love the fact that you don't have all these funny-looking aliens running around all the time. The show is truly focused on exploring what it means to be human.
Personally, I'm hooked on the show because I can't help but care deeply for the characters, however flawed or misguided they may be at times. After so many episodes, I now totally get them. Their motivations, fears, and biases have been carefully revealed episode after episode, to the point that you can understand why they make the decisions that they do, or why they would choose one course of action over another.
I particularly love the uplifting moments on the show (great writing!), and I'm just as struck by the show's deliberately shocking and dark subplots. I also appreciate the fact that the show remains consistent across episodes. A lot of effort has obviously been devoted to ensuring continuity.
Of course, there are a number of plotlines that are still open-ended (they wouldn't have any more stories to tell otherwise). It will be interesting to see how they will resolve these loose ends as the story progresses.
I guess like the rest of BSG's fans, I have no choice but to wait until January 2006 for the 11th episode of the second season! Hay, the suspense is killing me! hahaha! The only consolation at this point is the announcement that Season 3 has been approved and that filming will start in February 2006. Hooray!
Tags:
TV
Posted by CF at 12:25 PM
Stabbed
I'm tired of being stabbed in the back.
It's getting to the point where I can't help but wonder if I'm just (a) too trusting; (b) expecting too much loyalty from people; (c) a poor judge of character; (d) a glutton for punishment; or (e) some combination of the above.
Thrice now in the past five years, I have been betrayed by people in whom I've invested my personal time, my emotions, my friendship, and yes, my trust. And when I say betrayed, I'm not talking about some simple case of poor judgment where
someone lets slip a secret or two. It goes far worse than that. When I say betrayed, I'm talking about people whom I trust deciding to take actions that are directly detrimental to me, simply because it is directly beneficial to them.
Each time this has happened, it is unthinkable that the person involved could do something like that. Each time, I am dumbfounded and at a loss for words. Each time,
it hurts. And yes, each time, it makes me wonder why I bother to start all over again with someone else.
Once again, I am reminded of a remark that one of my friends likes to make. Each time I encounter this situation, he takes the opportunity to remind me that
Loyalty is a Luxury. Very few people are lucky enough to live in circumstances where they can afford to take the high road. Very few people are "rich" enough (figuratively and literally) that they can sacrifice personal gain for the good of a friend.
Deep down inside, I understand all that, I truly do. But it doesn't make it any less painful when you are stabbed in the back. Again.
Tags:
Personal,
Relationships
Posted by CF at 11:55 PM
Reunion
Had my first ever mini high school reunion this afternoon. It was great fun!
It's amazing how quickly time flies and how much people can change in just a few short years. Heck, I didn't even recognize some of them thanks to weight gain/loss and dramatic hair style changes! hahaha! I think I could have bumped into a few of them on the street and it would not even occur to me that they were my batchmates! Good thing I wasn't alone -- a few of them did not recognize me either; I guess it's safe to say that I have also changed. :D
I most enjoyed seeing our class valedictorian... he's in town only for a few weeks after having moved to the States. We had managed to stay in touch on and off over the years through the magic of email. Seeing him in person just brought back a lot of memories.
Among my various social circles, my high school friends are the ones with whom I have the least contact these days. It's kinda sad now that I think about it. Perhaps with our newly created yahoogroup, we'll all manage to keep in better touch with each other.
Tags:
Personal
Posted by CF at 5:00 PM
Low Batt
I really feel tired this week. I don't know why!
I wake up late despite going to sleep early. I've got that "I need a vacation" feeling... which is strange, because we had just had a week with three holidays!
Guess I've been cooped up at home too much. Have a couple of social commitments tomorrow. Perhaps that will snap me out of my doldrums.
Tags:
Personal
Posted by CF at 7:10 PM
Complicated
To paraphrase
one of my favorite singers, why do some people have to make things so complicated?
I outright offer to help so that all they have to do is say "
Yes, thank you. That would be great" and instead, all they say in response to my offer is, "
If you want" -- as if
they are doing
me a favor when I'm the one helping them! Ayayaay.
Tags:
Personal,
Relationships
Posted by CF at 7:35 AM
Under the weather
I think I'm coming down with something.
Despite sleeping 15 hours straight, I still feel totally bereft of energy and pep today. Hope another good night's sleep will take care of it.
Tags:
Personal,
Health
Posted by CF at 5:45 PM
Horrified
I still can't get over how horrified I was by the
UNTV videos that showed the shooting of suspected carnappers in Ortigas eight days ago.
Until I actually saw that video footage, I didn't really have any kind of opinion about it. Sure, I felt sad that people died, but if they had really been carjackers, then at least everyone was safer now that they are off the streets. But by God...!! Even carjackers don't deserve to be summarily executed like that!!
And now, it is starting to look like one of the guys in the car, Francis Xavier Manzano, had just hitched a ride with the two other guys. It is beginning to appear that he had simply been fatally, tragically in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The crusade to clear Francis Xavier Manzano's name has started. If he is truly innocent, I sincerely hope he gets the justice that he deserves.
Tags:
Personal,
Philippines
Posted by CF at 12:05 AM
Humming
If I was getting
good vibes a couple of weeks ago, I have to say that I'm just outright hummingly happy right now! :)
Can't really go into much detail, but suffice it to say that all the key relationships in my life are currently aligned and in harmony with the universe, so life is good and I can't help but be smiling! Haha!
There's still more than nine weeks to go on my journey, and I know that in less than 10 days, I will be hitting another really rough and tough patch. But I absolutely refuse to let future problems mar today's happiness. :D
Tags:
Personal
Posted by CF at 6:45 PM
Double Whammy
Was in the middle of a really exciting campaign of
Emperor: Rise of the Middle Kingdom when the power suddenly went out earlier tonight.
Aaargggh! And just to make Murphy happy, it had to be one of those times when I had not bothered to save the game at all anytime during the three hours or so that I'd been playing the campaign. Double
Aaargggh!!As if all that wasn't bad enough... when the power finally came back, my monitor wouldn't turn on!! The power indicator doesn't even light up. And to think I had, as a precaution, unplugged both the monitor and the CPU right after the power died because I was afraid of a big surge when the power came back.
* Sigh! *
Thankfully, my dad had just upgraded to a new monitor a couple of months ago, so his old one is still in working condition, and packed in its original box in storage. Took me a while to unearth the box, and even though it was already 2am, I simply couldn't wait and just
had to go look for it right away. Goes to show how much of a 'net junkie I am, I guess.
So here I am, back up and running again after almost three hours of down time. And now I'm remembering why my dad had wanted to upgrade his monitor in the first place! hahaha! It's not the best possible screen to be using, but given the circumstances, I'm not going to complain too loudly. LOL.
The saving grace: my PC itself seems to be working fine. I prefer a busted monitor to a busted CPU any day! Still, I wish Meralco would get its act together and avoid these power trips completely.
I hope only my monitor's power thingy is damaged and that it can still be repaired. * fingers crossed *
Tags:
Personal Computing
Posted by CF at 2:25 AM
Whee!
I'm thrilled to bits!! Just heard on
The Buzz that the
JaRla Labsteam will be in the upcoming Sephsan movie! Wheee!!!
Tags:
JaRla
Posted by CF at 7:55 PM
Pharmacy
Stray thought: Is there such a thing as being over-medicated?
For example, when I get an infection, I take antibiotics. But they give me heartburn and stomach spasms, so I take antacids. Antacids give me a headache, so I take Tylenol or Advil or aspirin... and so on.
The above example is just hypothetical, of course. But when I see one of my friends reaching so readily into the medicine cabinet for every little ache and pain, I can't help but wonder if she would be better off if she were to just grin and bear whatever discomfort it is that she's experiencing. At some point, that surely has to be better than being a walking pharmacy. Besides, God only knows what those chemicals are doing when they're mixed together into one cocktail.
Tags:
Personal,
Health
Posted by CF at 10:30 AM
Musings on God(s)
Pulled an all-nighter yesterday to finish watching the
first season of (the re-imagined) Battlestar Galatica. Woohoo! What a ride! And what a cliffhanger ending!
Bitin na bitin! LOL. Can't wait to get my hands on Season 2 episodes.
For those who are not familiar with the show, the main gist of the storyline is (to borrow from the OBB of each episode):
Man created cylons. The cylons rebelled. They evolved. They now look and feel like humans. They now walk among humans. And they have a plan.After the rush of excitement from watching the series wore off, I found myself wondering a lot about the theology behind the series.
The humans in the series are portrayed as the good guys. Obviously, we relate to them since we are human too. They are polytheistic -- they pray to multiple gods and use the term the "Gods of Kobol" in reference to their pantheon of deities. Their gods sound like our usual Roman / Greek gods -- Zeus, Apollo, Aphrodite.
In contrast, the cylons are monotheistic -- they believe in the "one true God" and believe they are carrying out God's will when they wage war to destroy all of humanity. They consider themselves "instruments of God" and they become upset when humans mock their notion of a one true God.
Being monotheistic myself, I find the incongruity of it all as disturbing as it is fascinating. Figured there should be quite a bit of discussion about this topic online, so I did some surfing and found a few interesting links:
The timing of my watching this show is a bit uncanny since I'd been questioning some of my own beliefs in the past few weeks. Don't get me wrong -- I believe in God, but there are some aspects of my belief system that I feel need re-examination, because some things don't make all that much sense. And other things are just too difficult to swallow on the basis of faith alone.
Tags:
TV,
Religion
Posted by CF at 11:55 PM
What's taking so long?
It's been
13 days since I first realized that my subconscious is nagging me about something.
Unfortunately, it's taking me quite a while to figure out exactly what it is. I'm really surprised that it's taking this long!! Usually I manage to figure out what the problem is in a matter of days -- three or four tops. It's been almost two weeks now and still no lightbulb, no sudden flash of insight.
It's actually getting to the point where I'm starting to get used to this state of limbo. The passing of time is slowly wearing away the sharp edge of impatience. I am slowly, albeit reluctantly, coming to terms with the fact that things are not going to be as easy to sort out this time around.
Perhaps I am simply not yet ready to deal with the problem, so my conscious mind is sparing me from having to deal with it right now. Who really knows? I just hope it will end up being something simple to fix.
Tags:
Personal
Posted by CF at 10:05 PM
Hobble
Twisted my ankle the other night.
Was walking quickly along the side of the street. The overgrown grass and poor lighting concealed the fact that the ground was uneven. Fell to my hands and knees while desperately trying to keep a handful of books and my bag from dropping to the ground.
Good thing I was wearing pants so I didn't have to deal with any unsightly scrapes. The other blessing -- there were no witnesses, so at least my pride wasn't injured. LOL. My ankle still hurts though. :(
Tags:
Personal,
Health
Posted by CF at 8:50 PM
Haven
Last week was essentially a blur.
That's what happens when I get sucked into this bottomless pit called
household chores. LOL. There never seems to be an end to the things that need to be done to get everything at home 'just so'...
A lot of it is because of my mom. She's one of those neatniks who habitually lets things decay to the point of chaos, until one day she just snaps and goes on this weeklong cleaning rampage to get things back in order. Last week was one such week. And of course, I'm expected to help!
* Sigh! *
To be honest, I've long stopped trying to get my own stuff in order. There's something rather comforting about entering the clutter that is my room -- the messy disarray of books piled high in one corner, the shoe boxes stacked haphazardly under one of the tables, the black tangle of wires from my PC and various electronic gadgetry, the crazy jumble of cosmetics shoved carelessly in front of the bathroom mirror... oh, and how could I forget -- there's that stack of Christmas cards beside the TV that I never got around to sending out last year. hahaha!
In all other aspects of my life, I go out of my way to be organized. So I truly relish the luxury and the freedom of having my own space in which to veg out and relax. It's a safe haven that I can retreat to at the end of each day.
Tags:
Personal
Posted by CF at 12:05 AM
'Net Blues
Have had little opportunity to blog the past few days, partly because my internet connection has been buggy for a week. Seems like the connection goes down right after it rains... and since it's been raining every day for the past week, that means that my connection has been pretty much useless lately.
Supposedly, some people came by to fix things today, so hopefully we're back to smooth sailing again. I kinda doubt it though, given the type of customer service that we've been getting this week.
Tags:
Personal,
Internet
Posted by CF at 12:40 AM
How much is your blog worth?
Had a bit of a laugh when I found the
latest blog entry on the Technorati Weblog. Of course I couldn't resist seeing if my blogs were worth anything.
Surprisingly, the only one among my blogs that has any monetary value (according to
Tristan Louis' research) was my
Carla Loren Fanblog. I took the liberty of altering the graphics a bit. :D
Tags:
Blogging
Posted by CF at 6:35 PM
Yahoo Games
For the first time this week, my internet connection is somewhat stable tonight.
So I took advantage of the opportunity to try out a few of the
online games on Yahoo. There's one called
Literati which is rather enjoyable -- it's basically Scrabble.
You find other people online who are interested in playing the same game by joining a "room" that is devoted to that game.
Played a couple of games against a random Yahoo user. Sadly, I lost my first game because I hadn't realized there was a three minute limit per turn (which automatically interprets your lack of movement as resigning from the game). Thankfully, I was able to win the second game against the same player... but by a mere three points. :D Sheer dumb luck, as some would say. hehehe!
Anyway, I'll probably check out the other games if I happen to find nothing interesting on TV on a quiet night at home.
But for now, it's back to
24, Season Three. :D
Tags:
Fun
Posted by CF at 11:20 PM
Good Vibrations
It surprises me to realize this week just how much I am influenced by the moods of specific people around me.
I've always thought of myself as being somewhat self-reliant and independent in both thought and emotions. Sure, I get worked up and upset about things just like everyone else, but I always thought that my "hot buttons" were my own, and that how other people felt at any point in time had little effect on how
I felt on any given day.
I've come to realize, though, that there are a handful of people who matter so much to me that, without them being aware of it, they exert such a potent influence on my own mood. And corollary to that thought is yet another realization -- that life can be toxic and draining when a person who exerts that much influence on you is going through
their own roller coaster ride... and you are a reluctant passenger being swept along with them.
Having said all that, I'm thankful that I've been getting nothing but good vibes today. For the first time in days, I can feel the knots on the back of my neck gradually loosening. It literally feels like a pressing weight has been lifted off of my mind, and -- dare I say it? -- my soul.
Considering how bleak yesterday was, the timing could not have been better. And as repetitive as this may sound, I am suddenly hopeful again.
11 weeks to go...Tags:
Personal
Posted by CF at 8:00 PM
Tags and Categories
One of the features that I've been wanting to see in
Blogger for quite some time is the ability to categorize blog posts. So it was with quite a bit of excitement that I realized I could achieve the same effect by using
Technorati's blog search capability.
You can tell I'm
really excited since I went through the trouble of adding tags to
all of my previous posts. I guess that's one of the benefits of having a fairly new blog with only a few entries! ;)
After that, all that was needed was a quick update to my blog's sidebar template... and
voila! I now have Categories courtesy of Technorati! Woohoo!
It surprised me a bit to realize that I have a couple of entries about Religion. And I had not realized that I have a couple of posts on Food & Drinks (a.k.a. "Eats")! LOL. Unsurprisingly, most of my entries fell under the "Personal" category, with lots of "TV", "Movies", and "Books" thrown in for good measure.
Tags:
Blogging
Posted by CF at 11:55 PM
Rituals
The family got together to pay our respects to the departed today.
Each year, it amazes me that we go through this ritual almost mindlessly. What does it say about us as people that we trek to the cemeteries, sometimes without enthusiasm, year after year on this designated day?
On the one hand, it makes me happy to take part in something that spans centuries. Just think -- my great grandparents probably did the same thing in their time in a different place, over a hundred years ago. The thought of it all makes me feel like I'm part of some larger, grander design that I cannot comprehend.
It also forces me to think beyond today and now by reaching into the murky past. You can't help but get a different point of view -- kinda like a camera pulling back from a zoomed-in shot to give you a completely different perspective.
On the other hand, it also makes me sad to realize that we often go through the motions of ritual without remembering the significance of the tradition, or how it began in the first place.
Grandpa, I hope you're happy, wherever you are now.Tags:
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Posted by CF at 9:05 PM
